ORMSKIRK LADIES 31 – 10 HEATON MOOR WRUFC
Last season the Ladies didn’t scrummage much and played 15s less. This season it has taken time and tears to come to terms with these arcane aspects of rugby union, but on Sunday there were signs that things were finally coming together with a 5 tries to 2 victory over a more than decent Heaton Moor team.
Indeed there were hints that the swift supporting, slick handling Ladies of 2006/7 might be on the way back. Central to the Ladies’ leap in form has been the assimilation of former rugby league players Charlotte ‘Moose’ Doyle and Kayleigh ‘Special K’ McDonnell into the back row. We are not decrying rugby league and its obvious virtues, but asking a league player to play union, especially in the pack, is like asking a monkey to operate heavy machinery.
Run, tackle and pass they can do, but staying onside at the breakdown, presenting the ball in the tackle and adopting a body position in contact that will avoid getting their heads ripped off, do not come easily. Whereas last season they were all over the place, last Sunday they were everywhere.
The contributions of No8 Doyle and the flankers …Girl of the Game, McDonnell and Carmel Dunkley … were critical. Historically, finding a Ladies’ forward at the breakdown has been as likely as finding a banana on a grapevine; but on Sunday, there were the back row, tackling, rucking and mauling just like in a proper rugby team ( only slower ).
This novelty allowed half pint half back Anna O’Malley to spend less time grubbing around on the floor and more time match winning. She it was who gave the Ladies a 5-0 half time lead after lock Jane “Mrs Plod” Gaskell had put winger Claire “Shirley Temple” Rylance in the clear. Rylance blondly failed to make the line but, luckily, the dwarf 9 was on hand to pick up and score.
It wasn’t Rylance’s day. She should’ve scored a hat trick, but didn’t. Earlier centre Emma Gander had a Nelson moment … “I see no blondes” … and failed to pass when Rylance had a walk in. And later Rylance and full back Rachael Birrell, presumably unaware that there is no such thing in the Laws as half a try, blondly tussled with each other to ground a kick through and, instead, contrived to knock the ball over the dead ball line. The spectators laughed until the tears rolled down their legs.
Although Moor weren’t punished for sloppy handling on that occasion, they were when O’Malley got her boot to another loose ball and, in a reprise of the kind of football that England played against Croatia, hacked it as far upfield as she could and then chased it down like an over excited labrador. Fly half Jenny Leitch converted and, later, added two more …what a relief it is to be able to write that again ! Recently there has been more chance of Osama bin laden converting.
Moor hit back with a nicely worked line out move in the Ormskirk 22. The call was “Kit Kat” and 2nd row Kate Morley burst around the front of the line and past a startled Georgina Gillen in the hooker position. The surprise probably saved her life. Kit Kat Kate is a strapping lass and Gillen isn’t. Like O’Malley she shops at Barbie for her clothes. Thankfully a try was scored and tragedy avoided.
So you’ve been warned. When playing Heaton Moor take particular note of any chocolate based line out calls. Incidentally, all the Ladies’ calls mean ‘2 ball’, so there is no need to get confused. Any variations on ‘2 ball’ are what are technically known as ‘mistakes’.
The score spurred the Ladies into an unfamiliar spasm of accurate passing and close support and, like last season, Moor were undone. The tedious hours of switch drills at training paid off when O’Malley conjured a half chance for wing Cara Pendleton who neatly sidestepped two defenders to score the best try of the game. Then Dunkley rumbled threateningly off the back of a maul and put “Doombringer” Gander through for a converted try ( good Dunkley ). Dunkley later got binned for testing the elasticity of the Laws and the patience of the referee ( bad Dunkley ).
Moor got one back through stand off Heidi High, but wing Rylance shook off the Shirleys and skilfully put O’Malley away for her hat trick try.
The gloss was taken off McDonnell’s fine performance when Kit Kat Kate, on yet another charge, trod on her head. Concussion was suspected but the usual methods of establishing the condition … ‘What day is it ?’ and ‘How many fingers am I holding up ?’ … are wasted on Special K. Even at her sharpest her response is likely to be wide eyed incomprehension and a hopeful grin. You don’t have to be blonde to be blonde.
