Sunday 30th September 2007
Ormskirk Ladies 0
Vagabonds 60
There are probably better ways to start a season than to play a friendly against Vagabonds. With not much else to do in the Isle of Man other than launder money and scrape motorcyclists off bridges there is plenty of time left over for rugby training. Vagabonds WRUFC had put that time to good use. They were fit, fast and technically very, very good. Ormskirk Ladies weren’t. They were just brave… Indeed, if the IRB awarded points for guts the scores would have been a lot closer… but then again, Georgia would win the World Cup.
The Ladies did have a bit of a scratch team out, too. Some of them recognised each other (mostly from the pub). Some of them had played together before (at Scrabble) and some of them had a rough idea of how to play rugby union (from watching rugby league on TV). And knitting them together was Coach Sam Botfield (who once scored a try for the 3DXV). Cohesive it wasn’t. If you’d thrown rugby shirts at a bunch of beachball bouncing belles from a 1950’s naturist film you’d have got more cutting edge.
The scrum instantly crumbled and thereafter was constantly recomposed as the Coach and pack leader Lesley Kenny went through every possible combination of players to find a front five that could resist Vagabonds’ mighty shove. Since Kenny finally won one strike against the head it was generally agreed that Liz Brown, Kenny and Ann Ominous in the front row and Carmel Dunkley and Hayley Barrett in the 2nd row was the best combination. Brown rather spoiled her front row debut by pretending to break her arm. It remained broken until it was miraculously cured when somebody put a beer within reach.
All the significant events of the match were Vagabonds’ tries… so we’ll ignore them. The Ladies one successful foray into the Vagabonds’ 22 was to collect the post protectors after the final whistle.
Elsewhere there were great performances from lock Dunkley (bonecrushing tackles a speciality), centre Louise Robinson, who energetically tried to marshall up some kind of defence from the bum scratching retards around her, and go-go scrum half Kate Traynor. Traynor got to every breakdown, was always there in support and as a result, was the loneliest players on the pitch. Faced with a loose ball and most of the Vagabonds’ pack Traynor would turn for support and find only a barren wilderness blown with tumbleweed. Squinting into the distance she could occasionally make out tiny figures in green shirts. Was it the fabled Ladies’ pack or a mirage? We shall never know.
The backs covered and tackled but the lack of competition for the ball at the breakdown meant that Vagabonds could mount wave after wave of attacks. The tries came steadily… as did the injuries. Full back Rachael Cowan (ankle…slave chain abrasion), prop Heather Coupe (shoulder… weight of human sin), prop Jen Schofield (knee… Done Nothing since Solstice Syndrome), lock Jane Gaskell (non-specific breather characterised by a sudden pain in the leg) and, of course, Brown (slightly broken arm). At one point the Ladies provided more spectators than the spectators. Edge Hill girls and Vagabonds subs filled in until some of the wounded creaked back on to the pitch.
Traynor lightened the gloom when she knocked on a penalty and snatched the coveted Muff of the Match. It put a smile on nearly everybody’s face except for wing Kayleigh McDonnell, who desperately wanted to flatten a Vagabond, and centre Charlotte Doyle, who desperately wanted to flatten her own team.
Luckily the County girls will be back next week and the team can revert to dossing around while they do all the work.
Report by Sam Botfield.
Next game - Sunday 7th October Blaydon 2nds - Away 9.45am meet at Green Lane.
